"Indecisive Noob"
A real "Loving" message from a "Loving" cousin, Darryl...
Things got really quite messed up for me...I received this message while I was facebook-ing during this afternoon...I had a deep-thought for this message...still trying to search for its "definition"...even until now...
Maybe he is right after all...I am an indecisive fellow...not a noob...for his information...
As soon as I started my college life...a lot of quetions came up right to me...and there is one really bothers me...
"Is this really what I wanted?"
I had a chat with a few of my buddies...I've found out they had the same problem...the same quetion as well...Some told me that the new college life sucks for them...they wanted to change...maybe they just need to endure it...things will turn best for them eventually...
I'm really confused...Everytime I hold the pen in my class...trying to make a note of what my lecturer just said...My thoughts would just fade away...faded into my own imaginary world again...I wanted them to last...but is not possible...
Holding the pen in my hand...I started to draw it out...I just couldn't help it...I just can't control the urge within me...the pen I'm holding...and the blank paper right in front of me...I just can't...stop drawing...
This thought has been giving me nightmares for several weeks...everytime I woke up...is still the same...the decisions are in my hand...but I just don't know what to do....
Everytime I look over at my hand...
The gift you gave me was still tied on to my wrist...I've been wondering it myself...maybe I should just remove it, forgot about everything and letting it go...
Or I should just keep on to my wrist...
I really can't decide anything at all...maybe I really need people to do the decisions for me...
I think...I will just admit the truth...my cousin is right after all...
Maybe I'm really The Indecisive Noob...
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2 comments:
Lol. I can't believe you have a blog and what is more, I can't believe you actually thought about what I said. Looks like there is hope for you after all. :P
Anyway, I was a bit surprised to hear that it 'messed you up' a bit. Half of it was 'What have I done?' and the other half was 'this guy is an emotional dramatic loser'. Lol. To clarify, I didn't mean anything bad when I called you an indecisive noob. I called you indecisive only because you said you couldn't come to a decision so I thought it would be fun to poke at you. I called you a noob cause.. well.. I always call you a noob. That is what you are and always will be. :D A lovable little noob. And I mean it in an affectionate way. You are right about one thing. I am a loving person. :P
Let me tell you the solution to your problem. Your problem is that you are looking for a direction, an answer to life and you can't find it cause there is no clear path or you can't see the meaning in doing most of the things that society wants you to do. Well, to set things straight, the answer to life is... there is no answer. There is no right or wrong way to live. There is no what you should or should not do. You can go be a druggie and kill someone and rot in jail. If you enjoy it and you are happy about it then it is all good. Now that you know the answer to life, you wonder how does it apply to you. You still feel lost. Here comes the next problem. The problem is that you think that being lost is a problem. If you had a choice between knowing the answer to your life, sort of like knowing your future and not knowing, you would obviously choose the first. Unfortunately for perfectionists, the first option doesn't exist. So what you are left with is pretty much 3 things. 1. Feel lost and confused but do what everyone else is doing 2. Don't think about life and just do what everyone tells you is right cause you think that is life or 3. Realize that life is not about reaching a goal but it is a journey and the more time you spend thinking about your future, you are wasting the enjoyment of your life in the present, the now.
Listening to society can be difficult sometimes. Everyone has different ideas and different views. No one says much when your views coincide but once you do something out of the norm, people make noise. Sometimes it is easy to feel out of place or alone. The truth is people are stupid. Haha. You are stupid and so am I. That is why we look for a truth to hold on to so that we feel less scared of the overwhelming unknown. We want to give some sort of purpose or truth to life like how you study something in school and there always is an answer. There is no single truth to life. So if you worry too much about what other people think or say, you are going to be pretty confused.
Anyway, I can write a few more pages about stuff like this and it won't do any good. Everyone will live a different life and my answers won't apply to yours. The main point I want to make is that you be courageous, accepting and at peace with life. By courage I mean having the courage to face up to society and be confident about yourself. Confidence doesn't mean thinking you are the best but realizing that you are ok being who you are. Be accepting and not think about your life as negative or bad and appreciate all that goes on in your life as an experience. Lastly, be at peace with the world. You are part of it and are one with it. Don't push it away or think yourself as a separate entity.
Being lost or not being lost is actually a choice. If you choose to think you are alone and lost then you already are. Choose to be a more optimistic person. Money doesn't give you freedom. It gives you security and that is IMO the opposite of freedom. Learn to live and enjoy no matter what happens. You have family and friends. Body and mind. Learn to love without expecting to be loved back. Real love is unconditional and pure. Never judging and never expecting.
And finally, (lol you can breathe a sigh of relief now, kudos to you if you have read this far) Always remember that you are a noob and will always be a noob. :) But you can be a proud about being a noob.
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